I was told Disorder was the best Joy Division song by not one but two people, i disagree!

Radio, live transmission.
Radio, live transmission.

Listen to the silence, let it ring on.
Eyes, dark grey lenses frightened of the sun.
We would have a fine time living in the night,
Left to blind destruction,
Waiting for our sight.

Starting to reveal

Why does my sister come home and yell at me? Or when i ask "how was your day?" never do the same? Why in saddened moments of my life does she not think to ask if i'm ok? Or do unselfish deeds for me not because she has to just because she can? I know she isn't my mother, but who else do i have? I really don't deserve any love, i know i don't, not after my past actions at a time when i was once a horrible person/daughter. I wish i could have stated new. Or rewind.

Why must my brother ring me up in the middle of the day and yell at me? It's not like he is around to judge. Or any of my other family member in that matter.

All my family seem to do is judge and criticize me. I am the black sheep, that member who somehow just doesn't fit in, who no matter what the circumstances is always wrong. Maybe i want to be that person. Secretly i don't.

i feel like volunteering for something. Not everything is about me, it would be nice to help even if it's something to do with my time that i usually waste. I think this will make me happier!

i have been meaning to volunteer for the starlight foundation for the last two years but alas i am a coward and need someone to hold my hand in every thing i do in life. I'm learning to do things on my own, one day soon i will grow up.

...in the moonlight.

To whom it may concern,

Upon revisiting my decisions, i feel i have made a mistake or perhaps many a mistake.

I could never choose it to be this way but with change the feelings i once had have faded away.

Nobody is right anymore, nor are we wrong. all that matters is if everything is alright and can be fixed, perhaps to what it once was or even something equally grand or slightly better?

It was all too perfect once upon a time, it should never have been that way at all. The higher we climb, the harder we fall.

Would i like to climb back to where i once was? I am not sure but i do miss it.

I was blinded to how strange my situation was, it glided into something entirely different from what it was meant to be. I cherish it, i really do.

Nina Tempone

22 minutes ago i gave up something i cannot live without.

a month isn't really that long.

i need inspiration and creativity, it faded with even second i age.

i haven't spoken to anyone for two days. no friends, not even my sister and she lives in the same house as me. No verbal contact at all except a few text messages from a nice lass asking me to join her for a night out. I declined.

Funnily enough i feel great. maybe it's the fact that nobody can disappoint me.

i'm not saying i enjoy being alone, i didn't choose this but i don't mind it on occasion.

getting a cold isn't really that bad!

....gee wizz my phone has a message as i type!

new

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Si j'entends vous êtes hostile ? Vous l'odeur de nouveau. que regardez-vous ? Vous, je ne suis pas permis de vous regarder ? No Où êtes-vous allé ? Peux-j'emprunter un stylo ? Devez-vous tapisser ? Non je l'écrirai sur mon bras, vous pouvez perdre le papier mais vous ne pouvez pas perdre votre bras. Buddy. Je suis allé aux Déchets. Le c'est des lunettes chronomètrent ? Comment regardons-nous ? Que, nous comme dans vous et l'appareil photo ? Ouais. Vous êtes si adorable. je déteste le condamner chaud. Obtenir des drogues. Je vous introduirai le visage. Vous êtes êtes beau. Thankyou. Si Photoshop était homme je l'introduirais le visage. Je l'aime juste. Quelquefois je pense que de vous. Vous pensez que je suis mignon ? Ouais mais pas maintenant.

Ceci est pourquoi... les Yeux bleus. La photographie. le caractère chéri. le sourire. le pottier de harry. la hauteur. le goût de film. la stupidité. beanie portant. la musique mais pourrait être meilleur. les vous. skinniness. les cheveux. la voix. les camionnettes. la comédie. les étreintes. ouvre des objections eues. les peaux. le crépuscule. les similarités. les mots. les moments gauches. le combat. les mémoires.

FEELING FINE!

i thought of you today. how i have never met anyone like you, how you make me adore you without even trying and how you might just stay in my memories forever.

..these words i write are wrong and i feel stupid even thinking like this because i need to rid you from my life.

i have to let go.

i can't wait for that day when everything will be better. But when this time comes i will fear it's departure. I'm trying to prepare myself for this sick, dark world.. what is even normal to me? i don't even know anymore.

i hate when you're not allowed to sneeze and your face screws up as you try to suppress it.

i heard once a familiar tune that reminded me of you and what we were. i want to go back!

i miss you.

Just to be carefree!

I would love to just be able to live amoungst the wilderness and not worry about money or possessions.

I TRUSTED YOU. NOW I TRUST NONE.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I find it difficult to enjoy anyone's company, those i used to look forward to spending time with or those who could brighten up my day just by being in my presence mean nothing right now. It's like i am a lifeless soul drifting passed these people thats unable to engaged with them.

I feel like i need to leave this behind, all of this. And start NEW.

I yearn for understanding and familiarity and similarities, these things are really hard to find, when i'm feeling like this.

I need a positive outlook. But it's alright, i'm always positive..so it seems.

how do we look? pretty damn adorable.

...

You are the most selfish person i have ever met.

You put your own priorities before me everytime, i'm not going to allow myself to be there for you anymore when all you do is take.

I know how you are when i'm not there, don't act like you are so innnocent.

I can't wait for the day that everyone leaves you and sees you for the bitch you really are, then you'll realize you can't always get it your way without consequences.

I believed that you were different and were the type of friend i was looking for, I guess i was wrong.